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Best. Movie. Ever.
I don't even have the words. I'm practically speechless. The English language does not have the words to describe this movie. Some say it's alright...they're wrong. It's fantastic. amazing. astounding. I cried, so so hard. I...well, I didn't laugh. But I definitely fell in love. Fell in love with the characters, with the world. It was one of the best movies I've ever seen.
Go see it. Love it. Then go see it again.

Quick - Think!

Aside from the obvious irritation created by my complete lack of ability to cope with most remotely difficult situations, I seem to be functioning fairly well lately. I have a boyfriend of two weeks that I haven't broken up with yet, and - oh shit! no! the thoughts are starting! the NEGATIVITY BEGINS! I thought I had longer! I thought I might survive this! oh no! shit!!! shitdamn! Get your life together! FRICK!

...I can't journal right now. it just won't work. nevermind. good-bye.

<3>

Oh, Homework. How You Evade Completion...

See, I should be working on my essay right now. I really should. It's due tomorrow. And worth a hundred points. And I've barely started on it. And yet...I can't bring myself to do it. Mostly because I have absolutely NO idea what to write about. The reasons for Dimmsdale to not have died from atropine poisoning and instead due to a guilty conscience and complete fear of becoming an outcast in his Puritan society simply aren't becoming clear to me.
After all, the secret completely eats at him all the time. He can barely do his work, let alone survive day to day without revealing anything. It would surely be common sense for him to go to the doctor - i.e. Chillingworth - who would then give him medicine. Unfortunately, though, medicine in that time period has rarely been known to work, and despite the desperate wishes of Dimmsdale to have the strength to reveal his adultery, it only comes to him in his last breaths of life. "But he fought back the bodily weakness, and still more the faintness of heart, - that was striving for the mastery with him... he tore away the [robe]. ... It was revealed! ... the minister stood, with a flush of triumph in his face, as one who, in the crisis of acutest pain, had won a victory" (Hawthorn 228). Dimmsdale manages to reveal the terrible brand (or wound or rash or whatever it may be) upon his chest.

...But anywho. Drew is about to show up back here s....oops he's here. O.o

Choose. Make a decision. Prioritize.

These words have haunted me since school began. Parents, teachers, coaches, directors; they've all been telling em to choose.

As if I could.

For those of you that aren't aware of the basics, I'll go ahead and outline everything:

I am currently involved in

• Marching Band (Crimson Rage)
• Show Choir (Mystiques)
• Cross-Country
• Advanced Theatre/Soon-to-Be Musical
• RAC (Reader's Advisory Club) - presidency

This, plus honors/AP classes, adds up to a lot.

Thus far I've done alright at making all of my commitments equally. I've gone to as many practices as physically possible, and kept up almost completely. Unfortunately, though, I'm not a god. I can't do everything.

That concept (of my imperfection, of sorts) was realized to a deeper level when I, for a time, was forced to give up my RAC presidency due to time constraints. Thankfully I've managed to retain the title for a later period, but still; it was a close call.

Unfortunately I've reached another speed bump: the musical. This year we're doing Guys and Dolls. As you may be aware, I want to be a theatre teacher. This means it's absolutely vital that I have as active a roll as possible in the acting community. My commitment to the choral and theatrical departments is priority, above all else.

Looking at the schedule today, I eventually came to the conclusion that, once again,I must make a choice.

I can only do one thing.

Cross-Country, or Guys and Dolls.

I know what I would choose, if I had to. The musical, without a doubt. Yes, that would mean quitting Cross-Country. Remember, though, that I never meant to join XC in the first place. It was completely on a whim. And even though I don't regret joining - the team has taught me more that I can express - I feel like I'm going to have to prioritize.

And it hurts.

On the first bathroom stall in the XC locker rooms there's a quote on the door. It reads

"It's not about how much you do, but how much love you put into what you do."

-Mother Teresa

This is also something that has repeated itself in my mind. It is a constant, and my mantra. So much of our lives are taken up with achieving our goals. Do, do, do. But what if what you're doing isn't something you love? What if you don't even know why you're doing something?

I do what I do to improve myself. To grow. The flower does not grow seeds needlessly - it has a purpose for what it does, and does it for a purpose.

That is what I must do. I know my purpose. Now I must figure out if what I'm doing is contributing to that purpose, or just holding me back.

So many choices to make.

Ah, the Misadventures of K106

So I'm once again forced to delay the completion of my test due to the fact that the geometry pictures won't appear. Brilliant.

But then again, it gives me time to discuss things with you! Huzzah!

For starters, school is starting.

Terrible, I know. It's just the most tragical thing ever.

Except for the part where I get to see all of my wonderful friends! Granted, I get to see all of my horrid enemies, BUT it all sort of evens out in the end.

Next: Rachael. Ew.

Maddie and her are best friends. It's really extremely sickening. She's a stupid cow, and I hate her. And I don't CARE that my mother told me not to trash people on the internet. I usually don't trash people, but she's definitely the exception to the rule. And if she sees this and wants to come kill me? Well she can try, because I'll effing kick her skinny ass.
It's quite special, because now we're writing more than ever about her stupidness, so it's all good.

I must go now, actually, seeing as I should, you know, do my finals...*cough* yes. Alright, then. Toodles!

In the Testing Room

As some of you might be aware (and by some of you I mean my one follower, despite the fact that my phrasing implies mulitiple people. Leave me my small wins) I am currently taking my finals for my summer classes. As you might also be aware, these finals are exordinately (is that even a word?) easy. Like, crazily so. More so than the classes themselves.
I just completed my second IOA Personal Evaluation (or whatever the hell they call it) and it was very amusing. This one was for my geometry teacher, and she was completely inept. I decided to go all out sardonic bitch at them, and definitely had fun doing it. I should've gotten the Q/A for you. Simply hilarious.
ooooooh! But I can go back! Here, I'll copy it out for you:

1.
The course was well organized.

The lessons themselves were very well laid out.

2.
The teaching approaches used by the teacher helped me learn the material.

The teacher didn't really contribute much in my learning process. I don't understand the question.

3.
The teacher feedback on my work was timely and helped me learn.

I was forced to wait several days and even call the office at certain points for updates. My mother was quite agitated. Granted, I suppose the teacher was under the assumption that I would email her back once I finished the incomplete assignment, but I was under the impression that she would be on for a large amount of the time - or at least quite frequently - to help me complete my class in a timely manner. I guess we were both mistaken.

4.
I was able to reach my instructor for help if I needed it.

Once again, with the miscommunication. Luckily I managed to retain some intelligence from my 15 years, so I was able to complete most of the course work all by my lonesome.

5.
I would recommend an online course to my friends and family and plan to take another online course if I have the chance or need.

Despite the misfortunes thrust upon me (and my complete lack of motivation for two-thirds of the course time alotted), I always fine online classes quite invigorating. And infinitely easier than the regular classes. Indeed, the repetitive motion of the work we do in class - learning the material then doing mounds of homework on it then relearning again at some other point in time - are quite tiresome and at certain points even cause me to feel seasick. Thank God for online classes in which you have one set of notes, one set of coursework, and one to two tests.

6.
What is the single best aspect of this course?
I believe I just detailed it out in question 10. The simplicity of the course. For further information on my position on the subject please note my answer for this question in my other evaluation, P.E.

7.
What would you like to see changed in this online course?
Once again, I refer you to my other evaluation. Repeating myself is just SO tedious.

8.
Do you have any other comments or suggestions?
Not particularly.

--

I personally thought it was quite brilliant. But maybe that's just me.

Well, I need to go complete my Geometry final now...Eurgh. Lame.

-Sarah

Lies about Lucy Drabble #1

Whispers. They were always whispering.

Of course she couldn't hear them. Why be bothered with actual noise when you could just stand in the silent torture?

Much to her dismay, no one came to talk to her. That would make it easier. That would give her information.

Unfortunately she was doomed to stay in the dark, never knowing what people were saying. Where were friends when you needed them?

--

Ben. Again.

Okay, so, yeah. I decided not to break up with him. *raucous cheers* I know - fabulous.

So what if I don't seem uber excited about it? I mean, it's not THAT big of a deal...goodness.

ummm...yeah. idk I talked to him about the whole flirting thing and he's going to try and stop. it'll be necessary to check up on that every once in a while, but it should be okay...

but yeah, just wanted to give a heads up on that.

Ben

i. Ben
a. We should just be friends
1. Flirting with Carmen/other girls
- It bothers ME: I can’t take all of the random grabbing people from behind and the winking and the random flirting. I have a tolerance level, but it does not extend that high.
- It bothers CARMEN: Do you know how weird it looks when you stand beside your girlfriend’s best friend instead of by your girlfriend? Really weird.
2. Hygiene issues
- The cologne thing: okay, it’s not THAT big of a deal, but really. Is it that difficult? I don’t think so.
- Teeth: um, gross. ‘nuff said.
- Acne: Have you seen Drew? His pizza-face-ness is NOT pretty. And no, I don’t care whether it will ever get that bad. All I know is that right now it’s gross, at best. So DO something about it! It’s really not that difficult!
- Sleep: I’m kinda tired of calling you in the morning to make sure you’re up. I don’t do it THAT often, but it’s obnoxious that I have to do it at all! And I KNOW you are very stressed and thus stay up super late but really. I manage to get up at six every morning – why can’t you?
3. emotional dependency
- work load: I know you’re super duper stressed with all your work, but it’s getting unhealthy. You need to know when to stop, and you DON’T.
- I can’t keep being used as an emotional crutch. Maybe sometimes, I suppose, but that’s a best friend job; not a girlfriend. At least, not completely.
4. Random other stuff that bothers me
- The random noises you make? They aren’t cute. They’re weird.
- No matter how much we try, the junior-freshman thing is not going to work. I need to hang out/date kids my age. It’s just a fact.
5. Contribution from Niobe?

Twilight is becoming the new generalization...

Yeah, you know you know what I'm talking about!

"he's such a MIKE"

"she's such a jessica!"

"ewwww he's a tyler"

"omg what an Edward "

Oh, you KNOW what I mean.

so yeah, maybe I have a few of my own.

WHAT??! don't act like it's uncommon!!!

SO. FIRST.

We have our....

Edward.

Guess who?

Oh, you KNOW who.

that's right.

Ben.

((go figure))

And WHY, you may ask, is Ben EDWARD?

well lemme tell you.

Ben is Edward bc Ben has decided to be completely selfless, overthinking, kinda awesome at like everything (except a few things, but hey, he's only human *coughhackdie*), and, oh, maybe just REALLY PALE WITH AWESOME HAIR.

right.

So THEN we must find out the OTHER HALF!!!

Remember, this doesn't actually apply most of the time. but it totally applies RIGHT NOW so i'm going to USE IT, DAMMIT!

My Jacob?

((Yeah, in case you didn't catch that, the next person i'm talking about is Jacob.))

Whoa. go figure.

soooo.....he's....

Chris (Hensel, I mean)

It's crazy shit, man!!! Like, you never would've thought it, but he kinda is. I mean, it's really random and whatnot, but he IS really warm and cuddly (and him being warm-ish was how I realized how this all fit) and he's kinda tall and...well, he generally looks like Jacob, and although he doesn't work with cars, he is in Vet school, so yeah. And he's older than me, not younger, but it's about the same age difference.

AND when we were at csz him and Ben were all like *claim Sarah*. It was amusing. Not necessarily consistant (Ben claimed a lot) but still...enough that it counts.

Okay, so, laugh at me all you want. it's a silly theory, I know. But at the same time, it TOTALLY fits.

OH! ONE LAST THING!

Mike = Mike

*shudder*

((IKR??!))

But yeah. So....there's that little thought...yaaaaay...

okay, have fun now.

Hope you enjoyed my fascinating little spiel there.

ps: ttly sorry for not posting last night; my cpu was being a bitch...ack. :(

~Sarah

Just So You Know

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcUH3Kdrmi0

...watch it.

I loved it.

It was...meaningful.

Even for Jesse [McCartney].

Hope you like it.

<3

THE LIST

The List

Yup, that's right, people. I'm officially making a list. You know you want to be on it. Everyone does. Because it's a GOOD list! It's my list of favorite people. Biased, I know, but true. And if I don't keep a list then I'll never be able to remember who I'm currently concentrating my efforts on...

To the list, then!

1. Carmen - Because you are magnificent (<- word of the...month?!) and wonderful and probably won't even be angry that I'm totally taking your color-ing scheme :)

Plus you're the bestest friend ever. I mean, most people would've probably abandoned me by this point - whether due to my lack of smoothness or blatant disregard of anyone else's feelings - but you, saint (or martyr?) that you are, managed to deal with me for long enough to whip me into shape...that's right, Carmen. I'm whipped. Are you proud of yourself? :P

2.Ben - okay, so, maybe not the BEST person for the job, but you people've got to admit that he's awesome...I mean, he's funny, interesting, cute enough to be nice to look at, and generally nice to talk to and hang out with. [insert long-ish paragraph about Ben in which I complain about our teeter-totter relationship...I'll put that in another entry...] He's an amazing friend, and even though he's not quite as awesome as Carmen and is sometimes clingy, I can't help but remember how much fun we have.

3. Chris (Hensel, for those of you who are complete idiots) - He's, like, fantastic... :) I mean, we had MAAAAAJOR issues earlier (bad fight...ack, not going into it!) but now we're all good, except for the part where he's at PURDUE (A.K.A. worst place ever). I mean, I can stand it most of the time (for instance, he's coming home for a visit this weekend) but I am SLIGHTLY worried about when I turn sixteen and it's then legal for us to do "shit"...right. We'll see how THAT goes down...

3.5. Jake - This dude...alright, well, my reader(s) know why he's third(-ish) on my list, but that's not the ONLY reason why he's third. We're not the BEST-est of friends, but from what all I do see of him, I positively love. He's nice, and funny, and a GREAT boyfriend, although not to anyone who deserves it... *cough* Really, though, besides the huge temper issue, he's a great guy, and an awesome friend. ish.

4. Michael - Okay, so, he's steadily lost points since we started being friends...but he's reliable, if nothing else. I mean, who else will agree with me on virtually anything, and go along with my every whim? Um, no one! At least, not both at the same time. So I'll just deal with his freakish clinginess and need for love...somehow...

4.5 Rachael - Oh, rachael...She know I love her...but really, eventually it gets so very tiresome to deal with all her shit all the time. Not to mention the fact that she's COMPLETELY screwing over Jake, whom happens to be tying for third on The List. Not cool. But in the end she's pretty fun to hang out with, and random enough to keep my interest.

5. Maddie - She used to be much higher, but now we're drifting apart, and I'm not happy with how she's treating a lot of the issues in her life. Like Rachael, she refuses to realize that her life actually MATTERS to some people, and that some things are just necessary to deal with! But I still love her, which is why she's still on this list.

Ummm....Wow, I just realized that, except for Carmen, all of the commentary on these were somehow a complaint...that's rather depressing. But oh well. I still love everyone on there, and maybe I'll have some good things to say soon :)

For those of you reading, I apologize for having such a depressing entry for you...I'll do better, I swear!!!

Romeo Ain't Got Nothin' On Me

Okay, so, I can talk about this since the only people reading my blog are...one person...*cough* so yeah.
life, as a whole, isn't too bad. i mean, everyone has their problems...everyone. including me.
mine aren't too bad...but then again, there's this ongoing one...it's not so easy to deal with. and now that i've told someone (you lucky bastard, you...) i feel like everyone should know. but they shouldn't. which makes it THAT much harder!!!
Most people don't like their (best) friend's boyfriend. because it's awkward. and at the same time, most people who DO like their (best) friend's boyfriend don't try to help them along as a couple. it's just insanity! so why do i do it? bc i'm insane. -.-
you know what i did tonight? (tonight being valentine's day) i babysat for six hours, and talked to both my (best) friend and her boyfriend. yup, the one i like. probably one of the most tiresome things ever. like, emotionally draining. one last part of my convo with her consisted of:
"...jake was sweet about it though"
"lol you guys are so cute. :]"
"i dont want anyone else. ever really :)"
"[well i think you're good.]" <-- i don't remember what I wrote there... "im very good. haha" it's SO hard to be supportive of someone when you know that 1. they're completely and totally unhealthy for him, and 2. you like their boyfriend! I feel like I'm rambling too much about this...but yeah. I'm not happy :( so basically, Valentine's Day was a bust....

Is...Well...Out of Conflicts!!!

Wow.
this is such an odd feeling.
you would think that I would come on a blog to complain about things in my life.
but...
nope.
I don't have anything to say.
well, that's not true.
I could go on a rant about rachael and jake
or I could talk extensively and in great detail about my budding friendship with Ben (which is taking some interesting turns, I must say)
but really there's nothing worth talking about.
Rachael...nah. drugs + weird relationship issues + totally unstable = not fun.
ben...there's too much open ground there! I seriously wouldn't even know where to start! It's SO complicated...and yet so simplistic. or it would be, were I a slightly less psychotic person. but then again, that's why they love me...
carmen...well, we don't have an issue! we're doing great! Fantastic, even. We have projects going, we're communicating, we're working together, and we have even more plans to bond and get back into a groove.
other things...what other things? small blessings? fantastic. home life? ehhh tolerable. new phone? still jailbait. but oh well. nothing new there...
there's always the pending invitation to Purdue this weekend, provided my mother approves. who knows, I might actually get to go! but that's still turbid (<--vocab word! imma beast.) so frankly I don't have much to talk about there either.

so basically I just spent a whole blog entry talking about how I have nothing to talk about.
yaaaaaaay bullshitting!!!

-Sarah
<3

(Don't act like you're not turned on...)

*sigh*
Chris Evans...
so beautiful...

*cough*
okay, sorry, I had to post it...
he's so yummy...
he's the star of Push, a new movie out. I saw it over the weekend with my buddy Ben (<--he's awesome).
it was amazing
dakota fanny was actually pretty beastly too!
craaaaaaaaaaaaaazy shit, I know.

Fairy

Your fairy is called Feather Goblinshimmer
She is a bringer of riches and wealth.
She lives in high places where the clouds meet the earth.
She is only seen when the first flowers begin to blossom.
She wears pale blue like the sky. She has gentle green wings like a butterfly.
Get your free fairy name here!

Sarah Dessen

Now, I know this isn't an actual "blog" because I don't actually "blog" about anything, but today is an exception. I feel the need to tell you all about Sarah Dessen. She is an AMAZING author!!! Seriously, if you haven't read anything by her then you just suck. (except if you're a teenage guy, in which case it's understandable. kind of.)

So far I've read Just Listen and This Lullaby by her, and they were both fantastic. I am a LOT like Remy (This Lullaby) but I totally connected with Annabel (Just Listen). It was sooooo weird, too. I cried at one point because something in the book was so like my life.

I truely believe that her books can change your life. I'm giving Just Listen to Tavy, and I hope she likes it.

I hope you all get the chance to read her work, and take something from it.

-Sarah

<3