the urge to live
is gone from my soul
I have nothing left
I've lost all control
I'm locked in a cage
I need to be freed
beauty so uncanny
it cannot be seen
by most of the population
they've lost the sensation
of living
and breathing
of seeing
and being
it pays so little
but costs a lot
what would you give
to grab a spot
in the books
in the texts
in the histories
of humanity

the popular vote
has gone to the dogs
I'm a ship at sea
in a social fog
I'm stuck in one place
yet moving all the time
held in slow motion
at the drop of a dime
holding my breath
can't take the suspensel
ife so complete
it don't have to make sense

Anymore

been crying more lately
too much going on
how can I take it
everything's going wrong
there's no way to handle
this mass of misery
just leave me alone
oh why can't you see

I don't need you to tell me
what went wrong
I don't need you to help
me along/with my issues
you're making it worse
but I don't want to fight
this anymore (anymore 3x)

Psychological Pain

i cry and i cry
as i dance in the rain
i try to be numb
so i can't feel the pain
life is so tedious
trials and tribulations
i'm so sick of the help
and pointless conversation
don't say what's wrong
i don't want to know
just hide it in
the manilla folder
if it's bad don't let it show
let me have my time
here on this sweet earth
let me live my life
and love, for what it's worth

(this doesn't have a title yet)

dark skies
dreary days
all these deaths
in all these ways
it can't be stopped
it can't be prevented
one of these days
but i'm not dead yet
i'll live my life
in spite of you
and fight you
to my death
'cause i'm not going easy
i won't give up
death is so easy
life is so rough
living hard, living wild
the best way to go
but i'm not gone yet
when i am i'll let you know

Not Quite Love

you're
stuck in my head
you won't go away
i try some distractions
but still you stay
to laugh on my neck
to whisper in my ear
to kiss away my tears
'cause I wish you were here
how does one say it
when it's not quite love
but it's still an obsession
and it's made of
laughter
tears
favorites
and fears
and the best kind of talk
over a round of beers

we talk all night
and i ask you to stay
i don't want to be alone
and i guess there's a way
to show affection
or what i feel for you
i can't quite describe it
words far and few

i used to be emo
but now i'm on top
and you won't bring me down
the happy won't stop

...

Trapped

I'm trapped inside these walls
this prison cell
and the only sound
is my tears falling
white as can be
the walls stare down at me
and i stare back
longing for my freedom
i can't say it isn't fair
i can't say i didn't try
i cannot cheat
i cannot lie
you do not trust me
i know this now
i can't say that i blame you

...
(more to come)

Cutting Words

the same words
every time
you use the same words
they cut into my skull
and leave scars
my mind is a graveyard
of bruises and wounds
you have inflicted
i have no retaliation
the mental beatings
break me down
every time
i hear the same words
and it hurts

i scream inside my head
but no one can hear me
i'm trapped in my own mind
and you caged me
you cornered me with words
beaten me with
psychological blows
i'm a mouse in your maze
of webs and lies
it's the same every time
so repetative it haunts me
constantly, everywhere
your presence stalks me
the thought of you follows me
and it never changes
it's always there

the same words
every time
you use the same words
they cut into my skull
and leave scars
my mind is a graveyard
of bruises and wounds
you inflicted
i have no retaliation
the mental beatings
break me down
i hear the same words
and it hurts

--

this was actually a full song but then I cut off the last two verses to make another song

Cold

the cold
it seeps into my bones
and I can't breath
for it's holding me
in its icy grip
like my fear
it has a hold
on my thoughts
and my actions
and the cold
chills me
so I can't feel
what you feel
but I try anyway
because it's the only thing to do
and maybe it'll get better
the frost will melt
and my heart will warm
but for now I'm frozen
in this icy sea

I float in the abyss
not ready to sink
but not ready to fly
it's obvious I'm scared
but I'm too cold to care
and again it chills me
it sinks in
so cold it's hot
and although I'm frozen
I'm not numb
my mind is sharp
all the details stand out
my mind is a crystal
and I see all the faucets
some are murky
with darkness and confusion
but most are clear
and I know
what I have to do

I have to clean up the mess
I've left in my mind
clear the clutter
and focus
the cold helps me
I freeze in motion
my life keeps turning
but my heart is frozen in place
can you help me?
will you free me
from this prison?
I need your help
to get there
and no one else will do
you'd better hurry up
the cold is creeping in
soon it will take over
and then we'll be undone

so if you're going to come
then hurry up and save me
there's not much I can do
so it's all up to you now

and if the cold does catch me
I suppose that's okay
I'll survive, I'll be fine
just a little chilly

Really long Poem/Song/Thing about rain and feelings and stuff

The rain, it patters on my shoulder
as I listen for you
the wind, it is my shelter
as my sould yearns for you
my heart, it shatters as I hear the news
too much for you

When did you decide to let me go
how did you expect me to know
my heart can't answer silent pleas
the world is empty - I can't see

the rain as it glistens
mix my tears
it streams down my face
I don't fear
anymore

Why should I
care what you think?
why should I
stay around and sink
in this abyss of your
smiles and kisses
as it drowns my
inner being
my soul tears apart
your words fade
and all I can hear
is your lies and
guilty pleasure
all I feel is your
pressuring stare
I can't take what
you try to throw at me
all this is
is my, all this is,
is my, all this is
is my
heat, passion and fury
my lack of care
anymore
I can't take what
you throw at me
I can't catch
your piles of shit
for you
anymore

Not Sure What This Tune Is...

You got the songs about staying best friends
you got the songs about silly social trends
you got songs about everything
...so what do I sing?
I sing songs about
life, love, pursuit of happiness
fun, sun, and all the rest
I've got so much to sing
I guess I'll just sing about everything!

--

wow. I just threw up a little. This is why I write emo poetry.